Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

Dumb Arse Bitches Swearing Son March 31, 2010

So I’m sitting in the staffroom minding my own business when Dumb Arse Bitch starts going on about how she lets her son swear.

“I don’t like him saying fuck, fucker or fucking. And definitely not the c-word. Only my husband is allowed to say that one…only sounds right coming out of a mans mouth”

Cos he’s a misoginst pig and you are a stupid fuck who let’s him belittle women with such language.

“But piss, shit, wanker and bastard are just fine”

Okay then. Just so long as he doesn’t call you a fucking c*** we’re alright then!

MORON!!!

 

Human Slug Trip Wear

Filed under: Stupid Bitches,The Working Bitch. — bitchpedia @ 4:10 am
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Dresscode: human waterproof slug.

We are off on a trip to-day.

“It’s not the easy option”, our visionary leader pipes out in his very own patronising knob-head manner.

What the fuck do you no tosser?

Everyone who works in the education system will tell you a trip is something to look forward to, something to break up the mundane existence that is school life.

A chance to get away from that lecherous twat!

I planned my clothes last night. Something practical, warm, yet, of course keeping a little bit of  that ‘Bitchpedia’ style!

Bag packed…I am ready to go!

I arrive at work to find that I have been teamed up with senior manager. Thats fine I get on well with her. The day is looking good.

Then….Oh-my-god…..WTF is she wearing?

No, seriously, did I misunderstand the dress code of the day.

There, standing before me is Senior manager, looking like an elephant in a mini skirt!

Ahhhh shit…..I’ve now got to spend the day, with that giant arse, covered in stretched lycra!

I can’t face that all day!…. Then…. hold on…what is she doing?

WTF (expression of the day, I think), she’s now zipping herself into a full on waterproof  all in one.

I know the weather forecast said rain, but this is fucking ridiculous!

Senior manager has now transformed herself into a giant waterproof human slug!

Wish me luck guys…

 

East End Hunk-o-licious. March 30, 2010

Filed under: Celebrity Bash,Uncategorized — bitchpedia @ 6:23 pm
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Hunk in trunks!

Emmmmmm…..Jack Branning…..What more can I say!

He is lush, lush,lush!

The only problem….the ginger gene!

 

The Squirrel Diaries! March 29, 2010

Do you think it possible that this gave birth to a genius?

The squirrel had the nerve to sit there and say that her rude little fucker of a son only got into the most sort after school in town, and then went on to say:

“Its good cos that way he can be the clever one at school and act cool at the weekend with his mates”.

What the fuck, I’ve seen brainier badgers than that muppet!

You can take the boy out of the council, but you can’t take the council out of the boy!

Read more about The Squirrel

 

Dumb Arse Bitch Pound Shop March 28, 2010

Valuable tools in my line of work are stickers. Big ones, small one, glittery flowers and Ben 10, the brighter the better. You will be amazed at how well behaved a child will be if there’s something in it for them. Nothing quite like a good old fashioned bribe to motivate an under 10.

Anyway, Dumb Arse Bitch is flicking through my clip board and looking at my stash of bribes when she suddenly says:

“I like these ones” Holding up a strip of farmyard animals…she probably recognises some fellow family members (okay, so that’s a bit below the belt even for me…).

“There from the pound shop” I tell her.

“Oh…so how much were they then?” She asks.

How much…how frigging much? Are you fucking serious? The clue is in the shop name – ‘Pound Shop’!

I am not even going to grace that question with an answer…walk away…walk away before you hurt her!

 

She’s in the Toilet

Filed under: Kids! Who'd have em?,Random Crap,The Daily Bitch. — ibitch @ 11:00 am
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Don’t you just hate it when your kid answers the phone and tells the caller that you are…in the toilet?!

Instantly the caller thinks your having a massive dump!!!

Yes I’m standing in the room where the toilet is you little git…I’m fucking cleaning it!

 

Clogging March 27, 2010

Filed under: Random Crap — ibitch @ 5:54 pm
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Clogging in Style!

My friend texted to tell me that she has started clogging. Clogging? The only clogging I’ve heard of is some sort of tap dancing that weird country folk do in clogs. Well…she qualifies as weird country folk…so maybe? But clogging…that seems a bit obscure even for her.

I text her back: Glad u’ve found a hobby u enjoy, other than scratching managers car with u’r keys 😉

Then yesterday she texts me again: asking me to check out her new blog!

Ah…blogging! Get it now. Should of known…she’s far too fashion conscious to be seen dead in a pair of red wooden shoes!