The hubby and I decided it was time we went out for dinner.
So off the kids went to Nanny and Grandads.
Off down the High street we go.
I know I should have been staring into the Hubbys eyes, but what I was struck by was the freakish conversations going on around me.
There we are sitting in the restaurant enjoying a Peroni or two.
When on the next table, my eye is caught by a skeletal figure dresses in full on leopard print. She had a massive bowl of pasta in front of her, which she clearly isn’t going to eat. leaving the plate open to being attacked by the big fat fucker she’s brought along with her.
Anyway along comes the waiter, clears their plates, and asks them that magic question. “Would you like to see the pudding menu”.
Fuck me if ever you could on saved on some energy, that would have been the time, of course he wants pudding.
Pudding arrives, and anorexic leopard makes a swift exit for a fag.
I look over to the table and the big fat twat is actually licking the bowl, and has his big fat chubby sausage fingers in the bowl, like a pig in a trough.
Clearly the man is a fucking animal, maybe this is a situation of abuse , I start to wonder, maybe this poor girl has been forced into her frail skinny state. She wouldn’t stand a chance against him…. he clearly does eat all the pies and anything else the fat bastard can get his chubby mitts on!
They leave. I get back to my evening out.
But… hang on just one cotton picking second, whats that I spy….some sort of middle-aged 3 way going on. Well obviously I can’t ignore that.
So I start to watch.
Yes, I was right. Clearly all sorts of weird sexual fantasies are being played out, My suspicions are confirmed, when I go to the loo and who should pop out the cubicle next to me….Mr and Ms 3 way!!!!!!
At this point, I need to leave the restaurant and take refuge in the pub.
Hurrah! Normality, people drinking having normal conversations.
A few Vodka and cokes later, the taxi pulls up on the Green.
All in all, an entertaining and most pleasant evening.
To top it off, we had an entertaining taxi drive home, chauffeured by a high pitched, poker playing, ninja Chinese bloke. Who spent the entire time trying to encourage us to gamble our fare, double or nothing!!! WTF!