Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

Zero raspberry tolerants. April 19, 2010

I was waiting for my 6 year old daughter to finish school.

The classroom door opened, all the little darlings piled out. All except for one.

And then it happened, the moment every parent waiting in the playground dreads.

The teacher eyes are on you, she points and mutters those fateful words “could you come in for a minute Mrs Bates”.

At this point every fucker in the playground is looking at you, you with the out of control child! Each parent thinking the same thing  ‘ Thank fuck it isn’t me’ and ‘Wonder what Shes done’ followed by the smug parent look.

Across the playground, doing the walk of shame I go.

I enter the classroom and am jestered to sit on the chair next to my delinquent child.

I look at her, you no the look, the I’m going to kick your arse when we get home ,look.

delinquent child stares firmly at the floor.

The grassing up begins.

Teacher: ” There was a problem in the playground today, Daisy and another child (why do they say that, another child, just tell me the fucking name, I’m going to find out the other kids name, during the 3 hour interrogation that I am already planning in my head) blew a raspberry in a childs face.

Hold the front page, 6-year-old blows raspberry at school, it’ll be gun crime before you no it!

Suddenly I start to feel confused, so she got me in here for that. There must be more to it.

Teacher: “Because of this, Daisy had to spend 20 minutes in year 2 as her punishment”.

I decide to be a good parent, and question my raspberry blowing maniac child.

Mum:” So Daisy what happened”. At this point my child is looking at me, equally confused, raspberries in our house are funny!

Delinquent child: ” Aliesha told me to f-u-c…..”

Mum:” She starts sounding out”, ” Ok, ok you don’t need to sound it out”.

Delinquent child: ” …off, so we blow a raspberry”.

Mum: ” Thank you for filling me in, clearly this ‘other’ child provoked them, but I respect you rules and will speak to Daisy at home”.

             ” I am assuming, the child who swore has been suitably punished?”

Teacher ” Well we didn’t see or hear the other child, so I’m afraid…”

So let me get this right. The sneaky little fucker with a mouth like a toilet, gets away scott free and the age appropriate response gets punished.

What a crock of shite.

I leave hastily. Fucking education system!

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