Being the dutiful wife that I am, I always wave off my husband.
Bollocks, my car is in the way of his.
So off I trundle, in my dodgy stripey pj’s- man, I am looking mighty fine this morning.
I start the car, and………………….nothing. Just clicking.
Come on you bastard, please stART……………….
3 more attempts, and nothing.
Bloody bitch car, If you were a person, I’d bitch slap you with a giant foam hand.
You just don’t need this shit a 3 am in the morning, for fuck sake I wanted to go back to sleep, I’m tired! Oh yer, and the hubby needs to get to work.
Mr Smith jumps out of his car. I brace myself- clearly this is going to be my fault.
Hubby: “So what did you leave on?”
Oh so tired wife: “Nothing”, and I wasn’t even lying, there was nothing on in the car. Even I can’t lie that quickly at 3 am.
Hubby: “Must just have been having the doors open when you cleaned it yesterday”.
Ungrateful, slut of a car. I finely clean out the sess pool, which is your insides, and that’s how you repay me!
Mental note: Keep the fucking car dirty, at least it might actually fucking work. Allowing me to get some fucking sleep.
Hubby: ” I’ll push, you steer”
Wife: ” Ok” I decide to do as I’m told, so far he has controlled himself, but one wrong move, or a slip of the tongue, might just push him over the edge.
I must be tired, normally pushing him over the edge, would be some kinda sport for me.
Anyway, he jumps starts the car.
It works -Hurrah!
Shit, no petrol to leave it running.
Will this be the moment that finely does him in.
Hubby: ” Right I’ll go ”
Woohoo! No petrol stop in the morning.
I really am a first class bitch.
Hubby returns. ” leave it running for 20 minutes, if it won’t start after that, the batteries fucked” Normally at this point, I would say something along the lines of No shit Sherlock or Do ya think???
I decide to keep it to a simple ‘ok, thank you’
Hubby drives off into the sunset, having dealt with the car situation in a reasonable manner!
My car is sick and obviously needs medical attention is this a good enough reason to chuck a sicky?