Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

Neighbour affair April 27, 2010

Get this.

I am awoken one night with the sounds of domestic doom coming from my next door neighbours house.

It seems all is not at one.

Having recovered from my shock awakening, I start to listen.

Whats more, I start to enjoy- its like a scene from Eastenders, but better.

After all , in the morning I get to look them in the eye and lord my superiority over them.

I now no the ins and outs of all their dirty history!

Anyway, the lording about didn’t last long, as she was gone by morning.

Kid, washing machine and fuck off wide screen tv in toe ( The tv, now that must have really griped him)!

The dust settled, well if you call 48 hours later moving your ex(of 48 hrs)partners best friend in, settled.

Now, call me shallow, call me whatever the fuck you want. None of this bothered me.

What gets right on my tits is, the new perky blond woman he has in there, walks round like she has a giant stick up her arse.

I say ‘hello’ to her, and she sticks her nose in the air and blanks me, yet a man offers her the hand of friendship and she all tits and arse friendly!

I couldn’t give a bollox about her affair ( wrong- you just don’t ride your best friends disco stick), but its brian stunned slappers like her, that give us Brit girls a bad name.

Shame on you- use your brain not your tits!

 

Bi-polar Lesbian. April 26, 2010

Freaky staring=one weird bitch.

Mondays come around all to quickly.
Knowone looks forward to them.
So what you don’t need is your jumped up bitch boss, launching abuse at you as soon as you walk through the door.

Give a bitch a title and she is going to rise to the occasion.

My boss seems to think that this gives her the right to rant and rave to everyone.
She spends most of her time with Miss Petty Bitch stuck at her arse.
I think she likes it.

These pair have a really dodgy relationship.
Lovers tifts are a regular occurance in their relationship!

Not only does my boss have freak rude outbursts, she also has this weirdo stare thing going on.
She just stares at you and then smiles weirdly.
WTF woman are you eyeing me up, cause my sence of style ain’t that eye capturing.

Why the funk can’t people just be normal.
Not insanely angry and rude one minute and then sickly arse suckingly nice, the next.

This bitch needs some booty action.
Clearly she ain’t getting enough of something!

 

WTF is this? March 24, 2010

Filed under: Men Are Muppets,Random Crap,Sex,The Daily Bitch. — ibitch @ 9:17 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

WTF was he thinking?

So, my other half has just returned from a business trip and as is the custom in our house he has returned with gifts.
He usually brings perfume. Sometimes jewelry. Maybe art…sculpture. But this time he has really surpassed my wildest expectations.
I now have in my possession a fluffy, hot pink, adult baby grow!

WTF was he fucking thinking? The most logical explanation is that he wasn’t fucking thinking at all!
To top it off the hot pink ensemble has a crotch / back flap.

“For easy access” My other half informs me and winks suggestively.

At this point I know he’s lost his fucking mind. After presenting me with this load of bollocks he can’t seriously think he stands a chance of getting his sodding leg over?! Sorry mate, you’ve well and truly blown your chances.

A crotch / back flap??! What sort of weird shit do you get up to when your away?