Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

A feral break. May 13, 2010

The bell for break time is always a welcome sound.

Off you go kids, go fight and be delinquent out of my eye view.

A well needed coffee is calling.

So I’m catching up on some gossip with a friend.

When in walks Yoda, my ever-increasing purve of a boss.

Yoda: ” Jane, I think we need to give Sarah more support with Jack” (feral boy). By we, I assume you mean, me, as you choose never to leave your lair and actually interact with the kids.

Yoda: “Could you have him in with you for a few days a week”

Feral boy, err…no.

Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m going to have to turn you down on this one.

As tempting as spending hours shut in a room with him is, being barked at and stabbed with pencils.

The idea of having my face chewed on by a Rottweiler is more appealing.

This kid isn’t stupid, in fact his language skills never cease to amaze me.

Only today he flew around the dining hall calling random children ‘fucking dirty whores’.

With his speech impediment, that took some doing.

Mental note: Must mark of speech and language in his assessment file.


Gay car. May 10, 2010

My boss thinks he’s a real ladies man.

He the head of a primary school.

He employs mainly thin blondes with pert boobs ( I must have slipped through the net ).

Well it gives him something to look at during meetings.

You think this is a joke, but trust me, throughout my whole interview, I don’t think he looked at my face once.

To be fair he might not be meaning to look at the breast department, but it must be hard to avoid that area when you’re a balding midget, as he is.

He seriously thinks himself a little bit of a ladies man, with his swarve (creepy), masterful (little man syndrome )presence.

Oh…how mistaken he is.

He is only one up, from a poison dwarf.

Everything about him oozes creepy perve.

You enter his lair (office ) at your own risk, a wondering hand could accidently grab a wedge of your arse at any moment.

There really is nothing about this man that would turn on a normal human being.

Unless of course you like purvey, midgets who drive  bright urine yellow Suzuki’s.

I mean, what the fuck was he thinking.

You might think you look like a hunk in tunks in you bright urine yellow 4×4, but everyone else thinks you look like a massive cock.

Mind you, it does kinda suit him. Cockhead man, cockhead car.

The gay car also suits some of his weirdo mannerisms, and it certainly complements some of his twatish sayings.

Which is mainly what comes out of his shit filled mouth.


Behaviour Management? May 6, 2010

Today it was discovered that we had a gas leak on the premises.

Children and staff were briefly evacuated, before being instructed to return.

It had only been an hour and a couple of us voiced our concern over safety. Big Boss informed, as only he can, with vision:

“I’ve made the decision, it’s fine, so it is”

Well that’s OK then.

Obviously Big Boss is an expert on gas engineering, as well as education, politcs, psychology, sociology and wanking.

He sends us off with: “Enjoy the rest of your day”

Oh yes we’ll be sure to do that. Nothing like a brisk stroll through the gas poisoned corridors to clear your head and fill the lungs…with carbon monoxide!

WTH is Big Boss thinking?

Poisoning peoples children isn’t really on. Is he considering this to be a viable option for behaviour management? Crafty bugger, now that really would be visionary.


Stop Apologising! April 22, 2010


You spilt a drop of coffee on the bosses trousers. It’s not like you fucked his wife. Although…he may like that? You do his wife and then he won’t have to feel guilty about doing the cleaner. It’s a win, win! Yeah…do it, do it, do it…


Tit watch! April 7, 2010

Filed under: The knobhead Diaries. — bitchpedia @ 7:05 am
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Seriously, my boss never fails to make me want to punch him in his pervy, midget head. Take your eyes of the tits and look me in the eye, you dirty bastard!


The Arse Scratcher.

Filed under: The knobhead Diaries. — bitchpedia @ 7:05 am
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When addressing a crowd of people, surely it is just good manners not to have your hand down the back of your trousers fiddling with your crack. Apparently, my boss missed that instalment from the good manners club!


A Knob Head…… April 6, 2010

I went to work,  for what I thought was going to be a normal day ( well, normal for my school)!

I get to work and there is a note on the bored for me. ‘Jane, can you go and see Mike in his office’.

Instantly I think ‘Oh crap what now’.

So off I go to ‘ He who must be obeyed’ office.

In I go to his purvey lair, I mean office!

Purve headmaster:  “Good morning Jane, would you like a coffee?”

Oh crap, it must be bad- I think to myself.

” No thank you”  Hit me with it so I can leave, you giant-sized wanker.

Purve headmaster: ” Well it hasn’t gone unnoticed the work you have done with Jack, because you have done so well, we thought you might like the opportunity to progress you skills and earn a bit of extra money at the same time”.

This doesn’t sound good, please don’t ask me to come to your house.

I sit quietly, just come out with it twat!

Purve headmaster: ” Harley’s parents are struggling at home , and social services can’t find anyone to take him at the weekends to give his parents a little bit of respite”.

Let me just give you a little bit of back ground information. Harley is a little boy who has one to one care at school. He is completely out of control and thinks nothing of slapping his teacher around the face and randomly punching defenceless children. The kid is actually feral. seriously he growls at you!

Purve headmaster: ” We thought you could work some of your magic on Harley, just have him for a couple of hours at the weekend, take him out. Social services will pay you £10 per hour”.


Is he taking the piss, why the fuck would I want to take on that freak. £10 per hour that’s a fucking joke, I wouldn’t do it for triple that.

I have a family of my own to spend time with, the man has just proved to me he really is a total knob jockey!