Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

Gay car. May 10, 2010

My boss thinks he’s a real ladies man.

He the head of a primary school.

He employs mainly thin blondes with pert boobs ( I must have slipped through the net ).

Well it gives him something to look at during meetings.

You think this is a joke, but trust me, throughout my whole interview, I don’t think he looked at my face once.

To be fair he might not be meaning to look at the breast department, but it must be hard to avoid that area when you’re a balding midget, as he is.

He seriously thinks himself a little bit of a ladies man, with his swarve (creepy), masterful (little man syndrome )presence.

Oh…how mistaken he is.

He is only one up, from a poison dwarf.

Everything about him oozes creepy perve.

You enter his lair (office ) at your own risk, a wondering hand could accidently grab a wedge of your arse at any moment.

There really is nothing about this man that would turn on a normal human being.

Unless of course you like purvey, midgets who drive  bright urine yellow Suzuki’s.

I mean, what the fuck was he thinking.

You might think you look like a hunk in tunks in you bright urine yellow 4×4, but everyone else thinks you look like a massive cock.

Mind you, it does kinda suit him. Cockhead man, cockhead car.

The gay car also suits some of his weirdo mannerisms, and it certainly complements some of his twatish sayings.

Which is mainly what comes out of his shit filled mouth.


Three way! April 8, 2010

Filed under: Out of the Mouth of Babes. — bitchpedia @ 9:16 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I use to work in a well to do private school.

There was this really snooty Mum who walked round with a stick permantly stuck up her arse!

You know the type, always in your face, nothing is ever good enough for her cherub.

Well imagine my surprise, when working with the formentioned cherub, she pipes up ” my mum has a special friend called Jane, who has sleepovers with her and daddy!”

Moral of the story, if your going to go three way, don’t do it infront of the kids!!


Les-be-friends! April 7, 2010

Filed under: Random Crap — bitchpedia @ 4:22 pm
Tags: , , ,

Is it just me or do these ladies have one bizzare relationship!

Chav Vamp mum v Average well spoken baking mum.

A little background information: Chav Vamp mum(CVM) wife and mother of 2, possible lover of single mum house guest and step mum to single mum houseguests love child!

Are you with me?

Average well spoken baking mum(abm): Wife of supermarket manager and mother of two. Wannabe slag by night and a doggy drunk!

Two women( I use that term lightly) who, on paper live different lives, but clearly have some very simular interests, and go on some very special holidays!


Outed by Dumb Arse Bitch March 25, 2010

Outed by must be true!

Today I had the pleasure of sitting in the staffroom with Dumb Arse Bitch…just me and her…alone…(cue music from Psycho)

For a while it’s quiet…quiet is good where DAB is concerned…trust me!

“Oi” She suddenly shrieks at me “Got a question for you”

Oh God! Please don’t let this be weird!

“Would you get off with another woman for a million quid?”

Ok it’s weird!

“Hell yeah” I reply without hesitating. For a million quid I’d probably get off with Dumb Arse Bitch!

“What about 100 grand?”

I pause for thought…it’s a tricky one…I mean were only talking tongue snog here.

“Erm…maybe” I answer her.

“Your gay then!” She giggles and nudges me with her elbow.

Yup…you got me DAB…a few unsubtle questions from you and I divulge my secret sexuality to you…because your well known for your discreetness! Damn your good!

“Erm…I’m not”

Why the fuck did I start entertaining this line of conversation in the first place? Never mind what’s wrong with her…what the fuck was I thinking? Must remember to slap myself when she is not looking.

“You are, aren’t you?” She looks like the kid that finds the last egg on the easter hunt. WTF is she on?

“Well I don’t think that it would matter if I was, but I’m not”

Bitch I am so not…there’s more chance of you being a muff muncher than me.

“Don’t worry, if everybody else stops talking to you, I still will”

Oh jolly good! I’m almost crying at this awful, awful thought. Is there no escaping her?

Mental note to self 1: Think carefully before answering morons questions.

Mental note to self 2: Embrace new found lesbianism!