Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

A mother of all phonecalls! April 30, 2010

Filed under: Crazy Bitches,The Daily Bitch. — bitchpedia @ 5:53 pm
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The ring of eardrum failure!

I just sit down to enjoy my evening.

The kids are in bed, the lunches are made and the washing up done.

I have a fluffy blanket and a glass of vino with my name on it….ahhhhh.

And relax………….aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ring ring, ring ring.

I glance at the phone.

There staring back at me, those dreaded four words. Dans Mum and Dad.


Just don’t answer, pretend your out. You no you don’t want to!

I’m just too bloody nice.

I answer, in my most fake happy voice.

I’m dying inside, that’s my evening fucked.

I in bark  on the marathon conversation that has become my weekly torture.

1 hour and 36 minutes later…… and she’s still spouting the same old shit. It wasn’t fucking interesting the first time, and it sure ain’t interesting now, either.

Pass me an ice block, the mother in law has finely forced me to repeatedly punch myself in the face-why am I still conscious ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


A drink to far! April 9, 2010

Filed under: Random Crap,The Daily Bitch. — bitchpedia @ 10:39 pm
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I couldn’t help it, all those years of insults I have injoured at the hands of my in laws about my looks( yes, for some reason they feel the need to comment on my weight, looks, clothes, house), it simply just slipped out.

They babysat ( a rarity in itself) and off went me and the hubby for a few drinks and meal.

Several glasses of wine later, we return home.

Sure enough the insults start to flow about how drinking won’t help my weight loss.

It just slipped out….

” I may be slighty fat, but at least I’m not a wrinkly old hag!” – my finest hour!


Inlaw insults! April 8, 2010

Filed under: Random Crap — bitchpedia @ 9:10 pm
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Quality knitwear!

Trust me, I am really a very laid back kinda girl, I let things just drift right over me.

So why the fuck do my in laws get right on my tits!!!

Every birthday and christmas they buy me some hideous item of knitwear, and claim that they like buying for me, cause they always know just what I like.

WTF…. Please, to all that know me, do I really walk around in dodgy knitted items???

But this christmas, they out did themselves. 

Not only did they buy me another scary jumper to add to my collection, but one that was 2 sizes to small for me.

Of course, being the polite girl that I am. I thanked them kindly.

I saw my chance for a cash refund, and went for it.

“Its a little small around the chest” I spoke in a disappointed voice. 

Receipt imminent or so I thought!

To which they replied ” well we didn’t like to buy you such a big size”

Yes, because a size 14 is simply unthinkably gross!

At that point I left the room. Ahhhhhh…….I’d rather poke myself in the eye with a shitty stick than spend the day with them.