Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

Sir Boss’a’cock meeting. June 9, 2010

My boss proved to me today what an absolute knob jockey he really is.

It’s inset day at my school, what it should actually be called is ‘Moan like a fucker’ day.

So there we all are, well those who were stupid enough not to feign illness, sitting in the conference room just waiting for him to start spouting.

He, my cock of a boss that is, stands in front of us, with his I am God, you will all respect me pose.

Errr… if God is a very small little man, wearing cords, a grey shirt and a very tight gay leather neck chain, then yes, you are he.

So he starts trying to make analogy’s about swans, and how if we don’t fly as one then we will  fail-dick.

We failed Sir boss’a’cock, when you took to the helm and made all those twatish decisions based on your ego.

I look around the room, yes, its official, this bloke is proficient in talking shit and is more effective at sending people to sleep than counting frigging sheep.

The whole room is bored as fuck with all eyes firmly glazed over, except of course Miss Petty Bitch, she’s sitting there in the front row-loser, smiling and nodding I’m left wondering, has she glazed into her robotic sex role. Just nod and smile it will be over very soon!

No, No I think she is actually falling for his bollocks. What a giant petty cock head.

Suddenly I am jolted back to reality.

The Knobhead boss is now standing in front of me swinging ropes and inviting people to join him, 6 people ( Who I have completely lost all respect for now) actually get up and start swinging, me thinks he has other swinging ideas in mind for these folks.

Then after a while, he starts.

The same old shit- no communication, at which point I have to stop myself from shouting out ” Communicate this you twat” (middle finger standing proud).

Seriously, I can’t take much more of this shit.

Everything he is standing up their whining about, originates from him and his cockhead management.

Err…Lead by example you tit.

If only these meetings were more like comedy shows, the more they take the piss the more I can heckle.

I can hear me now…..

” Get your cock out your own arse, cretin”

” Oi, little dick, those fucking heals you’re wearing, make you look like a midget Drag queen”

” That comb over your sporting- grow some balls and shave it off”

Ahhhhh…..one can dream can’t she?

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Little Miss Petty Bitch Secret Piercings May 6, 2010

I am now convinced that Little Miss Petty Bitch is a closet Goth Dominatrix.

I am creating a plan to orchestrate a Janet Jackson super bowl moment. Someone (me) needs to rip open her top and expose her right breast, which is without a shadow of a doubt tattooed and pierced.

Finalising the details as I type. Will keep you posted.

 

Little Miss Petty Bitch Meltdown April 3, 2010

Little Miss Petty Bitch Secret Weekend Hangout!

I have the misfortune of working with the pettiest bitch that I’ve ever met. If you touch her glue stick it’s a hanging offence. Borrow her stapler and she’ll cut your tit’s off.

Sure she looks middle aged, respectable and harmless, but trust me there is something very angry about this bitch and yesterday my thoughts were confirmed.

‘Little Miss Petty Bitch’ has a major meltdown in the staff car park. Some upstart has made the fatal mistake of parking in her space.

Don’t they know who she fucking is?

Now instead of getting out of her car, going to the office and getting this other arse hole to move Little Miss Petty Bitch hits the accelerator and wheel spins off…nearly hitting my car in the process!

Do I honk my horn? No.

Do I verbally abuse her? No (should of done…normally would have done) but it’s early and I’m late and I can’t be arsed.

But friggin Little Miss Petty Bitch starts hurling a barrage of “fucking this and fucking that” in my direction. I can see from the way her arms are flapping and the speed that her head is spinning around that she is in a bad, bad place. Passive aggressive does not even begin to sum her up.

Amused I sit back in my heated leather seat and watch the freak show unfold!

Little Miss Petty Bitch does not disappoint. …next it is the steering wheels turn, she digs her nails in, takes a hold then frantically rocks backwards and forwards. The usually respectable hair disappears as this crazy fucker starts moshing…she’s really rocking out!

Perhaps she’s listening to Def Leopard? I always had her down as a ‘Steps’ kind of girl. That will teach me to judge a book by it’s cover!

More swearing…Wow, she’s fucking worse than me! This is some serious closet nutter.

All of this comes the day after she saw fit to bore the crap out of me telling me how everything she does she approaches as a Christian, cos her faith is central to who she is.

Yeah…looks like it bitch!

Well just remember this…Jesus sees you bitch, he knows you, the real you, the one that boils little furry creatures alive and makes voodoo dolls!

FREAK!