Brit Bitches

practising the art of bitchary Brit style

A mother of all phonecalls! April 30, 2010

Filed under: Crazy Bitches,The Daily Bitch. — bitchpedia @ 5:53 pm
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The ring of eardrum failure!

I just sit down to enjoy my evening.

The kids are in bed, the lunches are made and the washing up done.

I have a fluffy blanket and a glass of vino with my name on it….ahhhhh.

And relax………….aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ring ring, ring ring.

I glance at the phone.

There staring back at me, those dreaded four words. Dans Mum and Dad.


Just don’t answer, pretend your out. You no you don’t want to!

I’m just too bloody nice.

I answer, in my most fake happy voice.

I’m dying inside, that’s my evening fucked.

I in bark  on the marathon conversation that has become my weekly torture.

1 hour and 36 minutes later…… and she’s still spouting the same old shit. It wasn’t fucking interesting the first time, and it sure ain’t interesting now, either.

Pass me an ice block, the mother in law has finely forced me to repeatedly punch myself in the face-why am I still conscious ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


Neighbour affair April 27, 2010

Get this.

I am awoken one night with the sounds of domestic doom coming from my next door neighbours house.

It seems all is not at one.

Having recovered from my shock awakening, I start to listen.

Whats more, I start to enjoy- its like a scene from Eastenders, but better.

After all , in the morning I get to look them in the eye and lord my superiority over them.

I now no the ins and outs of all their dirty history!

Anyway, the lording about didn’t last long, as she was gone by morning.

Kid, washing machine and fuck off wide screen tv in toe ( The tv, now that must have really griped him)!

The dust settled, well if you call 48 hours later moving your ex(of 48 hrs)partners best friend in, settled.

Now, call me shallow, call me whatever the fuck you want. None of this bothered me.

What gets right on my tits is, the new perky blond woman he has in there, walks round like she has a giant stick up her arse.

I say ‘hello’ to her, and she sticks her nose in the air and blanks me, yet a man offers her the hand of friendship and she all tits and arse friendly!

I couldn’t give a bollox about her affair ( wrong- you just don’t ride your best friends disco stick), but its brian stunned slappers like her, that give us Brit girls a bad name.

Shame on you- use your brain not your tits!


April 24, 2010

The happy (?) couple!

Breaking news!

Oh no, who would have thought it.

Katie and Alex Reids marriage is on the rocks, New magazine wouldn’t lie!
If this is, in fact true.
What does this say about the sacred union, which is marriage.
If Katie and Alex can’t go the distance, how are any of us couples suppose to get there.
This is damming news for all those newly weds out there.

In Alex’s defence it must be unnerving waking up next to someone who’s expression remains the same, no matter what the mood!

What a croak of crap.
Is this really a shock to any of us?
Pete must be doing a jig!


An unMarked Kerry- WTF! April 14, 2010

Filed under: Celebrity Bash,Crazy Bitches,The Daily Bitch. — bitchpedia @ 2:14 pm
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The happy couple!

I brought the Daily Mail today.

Now is it just me, is Kerry Kantona having a tattoo lasered off, really news??

Who gives a flying fuck if she’s split up from her husband and has finally ”taking her first step into her zappy new life” and having his mark (get it, perhaps I should have written the article, Mark Croft- mark removed!!!) removed.

What a load off bollocks!!


The Spirit of the Punto! April 9, 2010

Having just picked up my darling children from school, I was sitting at the traffic lights, patiently awaiting the green light. When suddenly in the corner of my eye, i see two lads in there souped up Astra, goading me from behind the steering wheel.

For fuck sake, I’m on the school run in my Punto!

The sub banging, their foot balancing above the accelerator.

Obviously, I’m way to Mumsy to get involved. So I just keep staring at the lights.

The light changes to green.

The race is on.

Or so i thought, if of course he hadn’t stolled at the lights!

My 1.2 Punto with one middle age owner reins victorious!